IT HAPPENS ONLY IN INDIA

-SAMAIRA GULERIA

Marriage=Naagin Dance

A wedding baarat in North India is incomplete without the naagin (snake) dance. A pan-India favourite at parties, the dance involves slithering on the floor with hands curved above the head in the shape of a snake hood, hissing and biting at each other in mock seduction. Last month in Uttar Pradesh’s Bareilly town, the groom also decided to join in. The bride, however, was not at all amused. In fact she found the groom’s moves so loathsome that she called off the wedding. The drunken groom dancing wildly in front of his bride-to-be required police intervention. The groom’s family had to give a written undertaking that they would return the gifts. Not quite a wife charmer, this.

Farting Competition

A restaurant in Surat decided to hold a rather unique event: a farting competition. Turns out, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Although more than 200 people signed up to let out the “longest”, “loudest” and “most musical” farts ever, it saw the participation of only 20 people. Out of these, only three mustered the courage to appear on stage in front of 70-odd people and a few media channels. But stage fright took over, and none of the three passed muster … er, wind. The event may not have ended on a stinky note, but Yatin Sagtoi, the organizer is unfazed. He plans to hold the event next year, but it will be without the presence of the media then.

Wearing Helmets inside the office

It is one thing to travel on two-wheelers wearing helmets, but totally another to sit in an office wearing them. Yet, that’s precisely what the employees of the Uttar Pradesh State Electricity Department, in Banda, did last month. Their refrain was that they were wearing helmets in office for their own safety. It was reported that their office was in such a dilapidated state that they feared the ceiling crashing on their heads. The authorities, the employees complained, had not paid heed to their pleas to carry out repairs or relocate them. But with the pictures of the officials in helmets going viral, we hope that they will be heard finally

Monkey driven Bus

If humans can drive buses, surely monkeys can do it too. In late 2018 in Karnataka, this observation was demonstrated by a monkey who decided to have a go at the steering wheel. According to reports, the monkey boarded a state transport bus and headed straight to the driver’s seat, refusing to budge. Amused, and a little helpless, by the monkey’s antics, M. Prakash, the driver allowed the monkey to take charge of the vehicle, while holding on to the steering wheel from behind his ‘surprise guest’. None of the 30-odd passengers seemed to be too alarmed by this.

Unfortunately, a video of the incident led to Prakash’s suspension later. The monkey, for his part, left the bus once it reached its destination, walking into the sunset, without so much as a backward glance—like a true Hollywood Western hero.

Matrimonial

Matrimonial advertisements in India can make for excellent comedy. But this one is truly special. This July, an 84-year-old man’s candid description of his personality and habits in a matrimonial ad gained attention on social media.

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The hopeful groom described himself as a yoga teacher, whose ‘eyes, ears, teeth and knees are working well’. He also expressed his reservations against smoking and alcohol.

The candidate then outdid himself in the honesty department, when he mentioned his bank balance and the cost of his house (Rs 3 crores). While netizens were appreciative and supportive of his endeavours, we are yet to know if the ad led to a suitable match.

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